spirit..Every year I go to the W. Eugene Smith Grant in Humanistic Photography awards ceremony. It is free and open to the public. Every year the cognesceti of photojournalism gather to recognize the awardees and the finalists. faith...I am a spectator there. I have never felt a sense of inclusion in these award ceremonies–even in 1991 when I was a finalist. grace...I placed as a finalist again in 1993 and, recalling my previous feelings of alienation and exclusion, resolved to provide myself comfort. rage....I decided that I would win this time and invite everyone that I knew to the awards ceremony so we could all celebrate. I drafted an invitation and mailed it to 2000 people. spirit..And if I didn’t win the award, I would invite all of my people to see me NOT receive the award. faith...I didn’t get the award. grace... rage.... © Marilyn Nance